GIRL MUSIC 008: Mac Miller | “A Life Ain’t a Life Till You Live It”
“I never thought life would be this sweet / It got me cheesin’ from cheek to cheek.”
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Words: Juno Rylee Schultz (she/her)
Edits: Morgan Shaver (they/them), Nathan Miller (he/him), and Bex Stump (she/her)
“You have to kind of be the architect of what you’re making and not think about what the current world is doing, or what the climate is right now, or what people are gravitating towards. I’m just trying to make music for people who have similar thoughts or feelings as me.”
Mac Miller
“Mac really did his thing on his own, built his following. And he had his sound down pat since the beginning. He was hip-hop. He had no stutter moments. He had no moments where he didn’t know. Now, some people are made because their managers and everyone else is inducing the shit, doing all this stuff behind the scenes.
Sha Money XL, reflecting on his days at Def Jam and Mac Miller’s career
This kid didn’t need no inducement, he didn’t no cosigns, he didn’t need any of that shit. It’s not easy and it’s not something money could do. It was the time, the music, and the accuracy of him being authentic to who he was, which was his art.
He was dropping joints. He had visuals. He had a personality. He had a lot of things artists take a long time to get to, that’s why he ended up with a reality show. It was just in him. And he did it in a way where mothafuckas loved him”
“Mac really wanted it to be magical every time he would do something. He wanted to feel comfortable in front of everybody, to a degree—he wanted to introduce people to how it really works for him.
Thundercat, musician and friend
It’s hard to see clearly through the pain of losing him.
I think Mac’s spirit always was very influential, ever since I met him, in my attitude about recording; just the way I would go about recording sometimes, I knew it’s something I had learned working with Mac.”
“I needed to get with the white boy because he had flavor. I fucked with him, man. On some real shit I used to fuck with him, cuz. That’s what hip-hop is about to where it don’t have no color to it. We at the point now where we don’t even look at where a nigga from, what color he is, none of that shit. It used to be a time where we had walls and brackets to where you can’t fuck with him because he this, and he that. I’m so thankful that hip-hop has grown, to where niggas can do shit … Mac Miller was my nigga. I called him White Chocolate.”
Snoop Dogg, artist and friend
It was July 2018 and Mac Miller had somehow changed even more than the music industry around him.
Singles and viral moments were en vogue, but Miller was still doing what he had been doing from the start of his career: creating conceptual art projects wrapped around his music, lyrics, and experiences.
Miller was existing in a fluid and fragile place, but he was aiming for the clouds from his heart, instead of lying down on the floor and looking up at the ceiling.
Tabloids were magnetically drawn to Miller around this time, partially from the successfully wild and organic journey the artist had taken building up his career, but also from his struggles.
There was a time in Mac Miller’s life where drugs and losing control were just part of the experiences and life on the road. But things were different now.
It had been nearly a decade since his status of frat rap goofball was first assigned to him, having won over ‘The FADER’ and the other critics, who lambasted him for the pop shine and childlike innocence they attached to Blue Slide Park.
Mac had successfully reinvented himself, released countless albums showcasing he wasn’t a guy with aspirations of art and music. He was the real deal.
It had taken time but the endorsements from Black artists he hoped to share community and stage with—the endorsements he perhaps cared about the most—came in as well, including the famous tweet from Jay-Z, which Miller had hung up in the last house he ever lived in.
Jay-Z had been inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame and took to Twitter for his first time posting, to thank dozens and dozens of Black artists who had been an inspiration to him along the way.
Jay-Z ended the tweet thread with “Too many [fabulous] black people, really magic. Mac Miller nice too though.”
Everything was different, yet some things remained the same. Mac Miller had grown, healed, and changed, but he was still a passionate artist who cared deeply about the strings he was pulling and strumming on — with all the tension and high notes woven into every note.
“Yeah, okay you gotta jump in to swim”
Born in 1992, Malcolm James McCormick grew up in Pittsburgh, telling both of his parents he wanted to make music as soon as he could talk.
Five years later, the young boy received a musical keyboard for Hanukkah—and he couldn’t put it down.
“I hooked that thing up and never stopped playing it.”
It didn’t take long before Malcom started trying his hand at guitar, drums, bass, and anything else he could get his hands on.
Raised Catholic and Jewish, McCormick enjoyed a supportive childhood, even if both of his parents were puzzled about his deep interest in mischief and rap music.
“When I was about fifteen years old, I told everyone I would be a rapper. I’m gonna make music. They looked at me like I was crazy. But I did it. Not to be cliché and cheesy, but I’m gonna be cliché and cheesy. They say never forget where you came from. But it’s true and I do believe we come from the greatest city in the world. Study hard and rep Pittsburg, baby.”
Mac Miller in a speech when receiving the key to Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh didn’t have a big music scene, especially in hip-hop and rap music, but what existed was real. Dedicated. Tenable.
Rostrum Records, ID Labs, and the crew who ran them both had their ears to the ground, working with Wiz Khalifa and helping him grow as an artist. They saw the potential in Wiz and knew something was coming.
“I met Wiz and I was blown away. I was just like—holy fuck, this guy is dope. And I thought: I gotta figure out how to do something with these guys [at Rostrum Records]. The energy was really cool. It felt special to me right when I walked in. It’s strange. I could tell looking at Wiz that he was really special; confident, tall, and a ton of swagger.
Arthur “Artie” Pitt talking about the early days of Rostrum Records
I said to myself, ‘I need to think of more ideas so I can keep staying around these guys.’
I knew a lot of people involved in nightlife around Pittsburgh and I was pretty well connected. I thought I could get his music playing in clubs and I could get him press. So I started hitting up newspapers and I started going to the radio stations, getting his music to all the DJs and just being really active.
Wiz had a five-song demo that we were going to take to the majors. So around here, we were kind of like a little all-star team. Maybe not in the music industry overall—but in Pittsburgh we were.”
It started with Wiz Khalifa sweeping floors and answering phones for free studio time but the momentum inside of the local scene was hot.
He had been around Rostrum Records and ID Labs since he was 15 years old, and his energy and potential were growing.
“We don’t nurture every artist who comes in the door. Wiz was the one guy we felt like was the most talented, and also the easiest to work with as a person. There are a lot of people that I would say are talented, but I wouldn’t necessarily want to hole up in a room and make a record with them.”
ID Labs owner Eric “E.Dan” Dan speaking to the Pittsburgh City paper, 2005
It was 2007. Malcolm McCormick wasn’t even 16 years old, and he was going by the name “Eazy Mac,” paying money to perform at “super-hood clubs” with audiences of two or three people, drinking and not paying attention — if he was lucky enough to have that big of an audience.
Malcolm wasn’t there yet, but he had all the necessary tools to get there, and Rostrum Records would eventually take notice.
“I used to pay fifty dollars to perform at super-hood clubs in Pittsburgh for two people that had their back to me. That is the hardest performance you’ll ever do. It’s not fun. It’s awkward.”
Mac Miller speaking about his earliest performing days
Malcolm performed and created some mixtapes with his friend Brian Benjamin Green, known by his performer name as “Beedie,” in a group they called “The Ill Spoken.”
It proved to be a pivotal experience for the young and aspirational performer, but soon the two had a falling out. Brian and Malcolm were a few years apart in age, and they had enough in common to kick it for a while, but the two ultimately had different paths.
It was during this time that Malcolm began to fall more into the scene he so strongly wanted to be a part of, while still working on his music and trying to hold onto who he was as a person.
“Malcom [and his friends] were such little badass kids, doing things that were risky. And I was trying to calm down from that shit. They were taking purses. Walking around with guns. Someone shot at someone at one point. You know — stupid shit. I’m older than them, and i’m like—’you’re fucking stupid; why do you think you’re cool … cause you have that gun? They were just influenced by stupid shit and they were tryna be the biggest badasses out there.”
Brian Benjamin Green
Malcolm’s mischievous exploits served a dual purpose, though; the young rapper was trying to find the money to pay for the studio time he so desperately needed. He was also tired of asking his parents for money.
“We wreaked havoc. We did some horrible things. But I was like the good-hearted person that was like, ‘Hey, guys, don’t shield stomp that car. They might have some financial problems going on. Don’t break that windshield.”
Mac Miller talking about his childhood
He wanted to be his own man — even if he was still a kid — and petty crime and selling drugs were part of the paved path for nearly every rapper who had come before Malcolm.
“It was funny. He really had no concept of selling drugs. I gave him an ounce of weed and he didn’t understand that he had to bring back money to me. He definitely didn’t do well at that.”
Bill, a friend of Malcom’s, recalling their time together back in the day
There was some tension around this time from Malcolm’s life and his parents. His Mom and Dad weren’t too fond of the trouble they knew he was out there causing. He had to sneak around more to kick it with a lot of his friends, but he believed in them, and they all got his art and understood what Malcolm was building.
There was also plenty of tension over the subject of school.
“It was like, why aren’t you doing well in school, why do your teachers keep calling me about you writing raps instead of taking tests and doing homework? And I was like—because I really believe that I’m about to be a rapper.”
Malcolm was interested in learning, and he was plenty smart according to his teachers, but he simply had no interest in doing anything that wasn’t directly furthering his goals of being a successful rapper and artist.
He was already doing it, so as far as he was concerned, anything that wasn’t music was ultimately an unnecessary distraction.
“When I first put the word out that I was gonna be a rapper … everyone was just kind of laughing at me. They didn’t take me seriously, didn’t even listen; they were just like ‘there’s no way this is gonna happen.’ And my homies were the people that stood by me and would go out and be lie: ‘Man, what are you talking about? He’s tight.’“
Mac Miller
In 2008, Malcolm was beginning his junior year of high school, in addition to reconsidering his image as he looked to the future.
This started with changing his performer name from “Eazy Mac” to “Mac Miller,” an idea that came from Mac and his friend and manager at the time, Q. The two had met while The Ill Spoken was touring and opening for Soulja Boy.
The name “Miller” came from Malcolm’s brother’s name, and it had a good ring to it. It felt natural and authentic, just like Malcolm. Mac Miller was more driven than ever and was also starting to spend a lot more time at ID Labs.
Wiz Khalifa was blowing up and Mac Miller knew he was about to join him.
Miller had the same deal with everyone at ID Labs that Wiz Khalifa did. He started as a regular paying customer, but studio owner E. Dan, engineer Josh Everette, and the whole group were quickly impressed with Mac. It was clear to all of them that Mac Miller was going somewhere, and perhaps they could help make it happen.
Miller dropped his first project under his new “Mac Miller” name in 2009, titled The Jukebox: Prelude to Class Clown, and it made a splash locally.
Mac Miller kept performing at open-mic nights, rap battling on street corners and at parties — with anyone who was interested — and hitting the studio at ID Labs, often working with Jeremy “Big Jerm” Kulousek.
“We just kept doing stuff. He was so persistent—like, I used to think he was annoying back then. From there, it led to us forming a friendship.”
Jeremy “Big Jerm” Kulousek
Mac Miller was growing up, and he wanted to make an album about nostalgia, looking back, and what it means to remember what it was like before it’s gone.
“I wanted to tell it from a perspective of a real ass, regular ass kid … the point of view from a group of people who don’t really have a voice as much anymore. People just have their assumptions about kids at that age, and they just kind of leave it at that. No one ever steps out and says, ‘this is what some real ass kids do.”
Mac Miller discussing the creation of ‘KIDS’
Mac Miller grew up with hip-hop and YouTube, so he had a lot of cool ideas for the music videos he and his friends made for K.I.D.S. They were almost like a collage of what every kid loved about rap music, because that was Mac Miller.
He received some blowback online for being a white guy and a goofball, but overall the message was clear: people loved the boom bap hip-hop bounce and melody that Mac Miller was running with.
Rostrum Records began to take notice of Mac Miller after K.I.D.S. was created and mixed. They knew who he was before, saw the potential, and thought he might do something… but now he was doing it.
A contract and conversation between Rostrum Records, Mac Miller, and Karen McCormick (Malcolm’s Mom) played out. Karen McCormick believed her son would become famous, even if it didn’t come from his music, which she wasn’t thrilled about. She also didn’t want her son getting a bad deal or getting hurt or mismanaged on tour.
She asked a lot of questions and helped protect him. This proved to be especially helpful given that Rostrum Records was essentially positioning itself inside of a deal where they were simultaneously the record label and manager of Mac Miller.
It wasn’t the greatest deal, but it was also a small record label, a new artist, and fairly standard for the size of the label and situation. There was also essentially no advance, with Miller getting “roughly a thousand dollars.”
‘Nikes on My Feet’ and ‘Kool Aid and Frozen Pizza’ were both blowing up on YouTube, without momentum from Rostrum Records, so there were mixed feelings from some of Malcom’s crew about the record deal. Some felt that Malcom was going to become successful regardless, while others thought Rostrum could help push like the label had been successfully with Wiz Khalifa.
On July 21, 2010, Rostrum Records emailed a press release that read, ‘Rostrum Records Signs Mac Miller, Preps K.I.D.S.’
It was a handshake agreement that would be signed in ink later.
Rostrum Records also made it clear to everyone reading the press release that all of Mac Miller’s previous mixtapes and momentum had all been done while the artist was in high school.
K.I.D.S. ultimately proved to be an album wrapped around the passage of time and what it means to let go and look back at it all. Sure, there were plenty of bars about doing drugs and having sex, but Malcolm also had a track that was a letter to his dead grandfather created the day after the funeral.
“Poppy” was raw and powerful. It showed Mac Miller’s willingness to connect with his audience on a vulnerable level. Miller was even crying and trying not to while recording the song at ID Labs, surprising everyone around him, not only with his commitment but also with his experiences and the efforts he went to process them at his young age.
August 13th, 2010 arrived, and Mac Miller’s K.I.D.S. was on street corners selling copies locally and being sold online — and he had the push from Rostrum Records. Things were clicking and moving faster than before, even with some new haters — like The Washington Post.
“When we dropped KIDS, everyone was talking about it. And people were hating on him like crazy—that’s always a good sign.”
Arthur “Artie” Pitt
Most of the hate was coming from Malcolm being white and youthful, which weren’t things he was trying to hide. He was an 18-year-old white kid with dreams of becoming a rapper.
“I’m going to parties, so I’m rapping about my life. My life wasn’t complex at that point. I’m getting high. I want to be a superstar. I want to make music for the rest of my life. And I love what I do. That’s not a bad message.”
Mac Miller discussing the themes and contents of KIDS
XXL included K.I.D.S. in its top fifty, saying, “Imagine the damage this kid will be doing once he’s of drinking age.”
The album’s YouTube videos were in the millions by early 2011. It was beyond clear that Mac Miller’s momentum was building, even for those far outside his inner circle.
It was exciting. It was exhausting. And it was all happening — and growing. Mac Miller’s hustling was beginning to pay off.
“At first it was kind of shocking, how rough it was. It’s awesome, but at the same time you live in a van. You don’t move until you hit the stage. That’s your movement for 24 hours a day. And it’s hard to explain never staying in the same place longer than 13 hours, but it is a bitch. That was a big surprise to me. I thought it was gonna be ‘oh tour, man!’ just chilling, party all the time, you’re never tired, you have unlimited energy. Fuck that, I be tired as fuck.”
Mac Miller talking about 2011 The Incredibly Dope Tour
He wasn’t even drinking age yet, but he was rapping like he was. The early tour in 2011 was filled with parties that were stocked up along the road. Shows were absolutely packed, showing Malcolm McCormick what those YouTube music video views looked like in a different way.
There was a lot more organic growth during this time as well. A great example of this was when Mac Miller tweeted out that he needed someone’s house to party at for Super Bowl XLV. He was on tour and needed somewhere to watch his home team play.
He did things like this for other sports games too, or just to chill between shows.
On March 11, 2011, Malcolm McCormick put ink to paper in his hotel room and signed with Rostrum Records.
Their latest accomplishment had been featuring Mac Miller on the 2011 XXL Freshman Class cover with Kendrick Lamar, Lil B, Meek Mill, YG, and all the other rappers that editors at XXL believed were about to take over and blow up the rap game.
The next day he released Best Day Ever, his next mixtape, as another link given for free to fans on Ustream. It was also released by Rostrum Records, just like K.I.D.S.
Within weeks, “Donald Trump,” one of the tracks from Best Day Ever, had been downloaded over 20 million times. It was being played nonstop in clubs by DJs, which was an especially impressive feat since it wasn’t on the radio or charting.
This was, of course, when Donald Trump was more known by the rap community as a symbol of hustling in relation to his real estate empire, long before his first presidential run.
At first, it was nice because it gave him an extra boost from Trump talking about the song after becoming aware of it. It was also more evidence of pure and organic growth, like Mac Miller had always preferred, from talking to his fans and being real while sometimes also being a goofball who likes to party.
Momentum was building, and so were Mac Miller’s ambitions as an artist.
Of course, this was also when his drug use evolved from “just weed” to pills, Molly, and sipping on syrup. Something that “just kind of happened” while he was on tour. It was part of the culture, and the music, and was happening when he was touring, especially in Houston back in 2011.
The crowds were growing too, with audiences reaching sizes as high as eight thousand.
“I don’t know how I’m alive. I’m low key dying on stage, but nobody knows.”
Mac Miller to the audience at the end of a show in 2011
When Malcolm finished up with The Incredibly Dope Tour and the shows scheduled for the releases of Best Day Ever and his On and On and Beyond EP, it was time to settle up in the ID Labs studio for Blue Slide Park.
On Blue Slide Park, Malcolm wanted to explore concepts of childhood and going out into the world as an adult for the first time. The title of the album came from a section of Frick Park where he used to explore and play while growing up.
This metaphysical attachment to a physical place from nostalgia and childhood was not unlike what John Lennon and Paul McCartney both did with their songs “Strawberry Fields” and “Penny Lane.”
One major difference, however, was Mac Miller wanting to do this with an entire album.
“It’s a journey. From the beginning, you walk up to the park, almost like you get what you see; you know, it’s a park. But as you get into the album, you’re kind of walking through and it gets deeper, and it takes you places you didn’t expect to go. As you’re traveling through, everything opens up and you start discovering things about yourself that you didn’t even think you could.”
Mac Miller discussing the creation of Blue Slide Park
Malcolm promoted this album a lot, while simultaneously telling fans to not expect much from it. He was trying to raise the hype of the release without raising pressure for himself.
“Don’t expect anything. Just expect sounds to come from the speaker when you put the CD in. And those sounds will have a melody, and it will be a song.”
Mac Miller discussing Blue Slide Park’s upcoming release in an interview
Two things happened at the same time, and both would likely follow Mac Miller for most of his career, even if just in the back of his mind.
On November 1, 2011, Blue Slide Park leaked online, bringing in a steady stream of criticisms — mostly people calling him corny and white. Then, the album released a week later, debuting at number one on the Billboard 200 — the first independent album to do so since 1995.
Malcolm handled the criticisms in stride at first, laughing it off and framing himself in a light like it didn’t bother him, while performing at the House of Blues in Hollywood for the album’s release party.
“Everywhere I go, people always try to categorize me. They try to tell me what my purpose is. They say Mac Miller, ah man, all he raps about is girls, weed, and alcohol. That’s what they say. First of all, where are all these people that have a problem with girls, weed, and alcohol? Like damn, that’s your problem … I’m sorry, man, I smoke a lot of weed, drink a lot of alcohol, and fuck a lot of girls. I’m just trying to express myself. That’s what they said—they said if you was gonna make music, be honest and express yourself.”
Mac Miller
That’s what he said. What he felt was, of course, very different — especially once some of the more critical reviews started rolling out. In particular, the “1 out of 10” review from Pitchfork, where the publication framed him like he was someone that belonged in his audience.
They wrote about Mac Miller like he didn’t belong on stage as a rapper.
He was devastated. He was with his people. He was on the stage he was meant to be on. His feelings about the review had far less to do with the score and more to do with his “outsider” label.
That feeling stuck to him for years, until Jay-Z tweeted, “Mac Miller nice too.”
Still, Blue Slide Park was a number one album, and Mac Miller was on top, regardless of how he and his critics felt about it. Depression, money, drugs, imposter syndrome, and proving the haters wrong would lead to his next album, Watching Movies with the Sound Off.
But first, Mac Miller had a mixtape to work on and release, to make music that would help him shift his image away from what critics were labeling him.
Macadelic would be far different from everything Mac Miller had released so far, while still being authentic and true to who he was. This time, he would make an album that featured more pure rapping, harder beats, and many more features.
Mac Miller was beginning to find a way to strike a balance between his own creative desires and networking with other rappers and asking for features.
Macadelic was hard-hitting, in your face, and showed the world that Mac Miller had co-signs and homies like Kendrick Lamar, Juicy J, Lil Wayne, and Cam’ron, among others.
The mixtape had drugs and drinking, just like Blue Slide Park, but it also carried moments and messages centered around introspection and struggles. It was clear that Mac Miller was growing as an artist and seeking more independence.
There was also tension between Mac Miller and Rostrum Records during this time over how different Macedelic was from Blue Slide Park.
Malcolm was open to hearing Rostrum’s concerns about how he might be alienating his fans, but he also couldn’t help but feel frustrated about being told what to do as an artist.
He also was beginning to feel like there were parts to the criticisms in the press that Rostrum could have tried to save him from. From his point of view, it felt like Rostrum was okay with everything since the album was number one — even though he was far from okay.
During the Macedelic tour, Malcolm’s drug usage increased enough to bother Rostrum Records, who did their best to be an “artist-centric” label — which was fancy talk for “artists were allowed to do drugs until it became a problem for everyone.”
Mac Miller’s drug usage was getting to the point where they were threatening to pull him from the tour.
Malcom needed change, as soon as possible. He wanted to keep making music and art, but he needed a different everything else.
When the tour was over, Mac Miller rented a mansion in Studio City. It was $12,000 a month, but it was secluded in a way that gave him control, while still being in a position to become a central hub for his music scene.
And that’s exactly what started to happen.
Mac Miller’s mansion became a studio where magic and music could happen without any interruptions. Sometimes this included sleep, which is part of why Malcolm’s drug usage became worse during this time… but in a way, that didn’t seem to be a problem to many around him.
For some, they were doing drugs too. For nearly everyone else, it was like — this was his studio, his house, and yeah, he was doing a lot of cocaine and other drugs, but he was also working nonstop and creating some of the most incredible music any of them had ever heard.
“He was powerful and young and he was a lot different than he was the year before. He’d listen to me, but he was just more standoffish. He didn’t smile as much, he was edgier, and I was just like, ‘OK, maybe he’s growing as an artist and it is what it is.”
Arthur “Artie” Pitt speaking about Mac Miller’s life in 2012
Mac Miller’s life had so many moving pieces at this time, and it was all happening at or near his new California mansion.
‘Mac Miller and the Most Dope Family’ was draining at times, and still technically a work endeavor, but like everything else tangentially connected to his art, Malcom ultimately found enjoyment in it.
The MTV series was also good for Mac Miller’s image of being laid back. This was made abundantly clear when he received a free car from the publication Complex for an upcoming “Man of the Year” award he was set to receive.
“I’m shaking off the frat rapper thing; I don’t want to jump into reality star next. But at the end of the day, I thought it would be a good thing for people to see who me and my friends are, because everyone has these preconceived notions.”
Mac Miller discussing his career in an interview
The editors and writers of the online publication weren’t particularly fond of Mac Miller, but the editors noticed a massive uptick in traffic whenever Miller had been featured.
This was even more evidence of Malcom’s organic and authentic growth.
Ironically, the car ended up breaking down on the highway while Mac Miller, some of the Most Dope crew, the MTV film crew, and the editor from Complex were covering it.
The presence and charisma of Mac Miller couldn’t help but come out during these moments, even though this wouldn’t have been the case for plenty of other rappers, artists, and performers.
What could have been a moment where MTV cut the cameras was kept authentic and real and added an extra spark of reality TV magic.
Mac Miller jumped out of the broken-down car and started rapping about it, giggling and laughing. He wasn’t tripping.
“We got out of the car, we’re waiting for the tow truck to pick us up—and he started freestyling about it. He was having so much fun for a guy who just got a brand-new car that broke down. Imagine if you had given that car to Pusha T or Kid Cudie, and imagine it broke down. Man, they’d have been so fucking pissed. They’d have probably been yelling at you and shit. But Mac, it just washed off of him; he didn’t even care. The car was getting towed away and he was posing in front of it, making jokes.”
Insanul Ahmed, the editor at Complex who often covered Mac Miller
Mac Miller and the Most Dope Family premiered on MTV2 to nearly half a million viewers, bringing more people into Malcolm’s life and antics and proving to the music industry that he could be a celebrity and an artist.
After some time, though, it all began to add up, and Mac Miller retreated into his home studio increasingly more. This kept the social element of his life going, but no matter how fulfilling creating music and art was for him, it was still work.
He was sleeping less. He was doing more drugs, but it was from a place of wanting to work longer.
Malcolm would go on without sleep for days at a time during this period, all the while spent working inside “The Sanctuary,” a studio room without windows that permanently smelled of cigarettes.
“It looked like an opium den. It’s dark in there. There’s no concept of time or where you are. Separating myself from everything allowed me to explore my own mind”
Mac Miller describing his Studio City home studio
There was a lot of experimentation during this time, and it led to several projects and albums, including Faces, Mac Miller’s next planned mixtape, and Watching Movies with the Sound Off, his next planned studio album.
Malcolm didn’t leave much during this year of living in his Studio City mansion, but he had an open door policy for any friends and friends of friends.
“You could be in there 72 hours and think it’s the same day. Come in during the day, and come out in the pitch black.”
Da$h, friend and collaborator of Mac Miller
This led to plenty of natural and organic features and entire songs — which happened socially between artists — that otherwise may not have happened.
Many of these artists had already worked with Mac Miller on music, but the opportunity to do it again was literally in the other room.
The opportunity for creation during this time was always in the air.
“Mac Miller is nonstop. He can go for hours. Ideas never stop flying through him.”
Syd tha Kyd, from the Internet, speaking about Mac Miller’s time in The Sanctuary
Mac Miller, as a vulnerable and authentic artist, was in the spotlight — and things were happening, including lasting friendships that blossomed between the Pittsburgh rapper and Odd Future.
Tyler, the Creator, Earl Sweatshirt, and the rest of Odd Future all hit it off well with Mac Miller. They were all guys that pretended to be assholes but were actually just into music and mischief.
This also included co-signing and features from Tyler, the Creator, Earl Sweatshirt, and Vince Staples.
This led to more than just Odd Future features on Mac Miller music.
“We’re definitely kind of pretty similar people. We’re both very nice. We’re trying to do good things, but also we try to be assholes at the same time.”
Mac Miller speaking about himself and Odd Future
Earl Sweatshirt went out of his way to endorse and co-sign Mac Miller with his audience, featuring Miller on ‘Guild,’ off his album ‘Doris.’
“Niggas aren’t expecting to hear Mac Miller. I wanted niggas to see the Mac Miller feature, be like … ‘Fuck …’ like, ‘This nigga stink, he blew it, he doin’ shit with Mac Miller …’ And then that song comes on and it’s like, ‘Oh! Hmmm, yeah!”
Earl Sweatshirt
The production of Faces was messy, chaotic, and yet somehow pure and beautiful.
“You can see brush strokes of it. A lot of the time, you have storytellers in rap, you have people who can tell stories or a person who can tell you their story, but it’s very rare that you have a person who can paint a picture for you. And painting a pretty picture doesn’t mean that it makes you feel pretty.
“I felt like I lived there. Mac made that my home, too. I think some of my more beautiful moments of creating and writing with people were spent in [The Sanctuary.]
I grew a lot. I learned a lot. I tried to contribute as much as I could with an open heart and mind. And I was always excited, because I knew me and Mac were gonna be on some crazy adventure.”
Thundercat reflecting on his time with Mac Miller in a later interview
The productions of Faces and Watching Movies with the Sound Off were creative without any regard for what the industry would want to listen to.
“I remember being there … Vince Staples would be sitting on the floor, talking shit on the Steelers, while some random dude would be playing keys, and Mac Miller would be banging out drums on a sampler. I’d be doing the same.”
E. Dan. speaking about the production of ‘Faces’
Mac Miller was making music that he and his peers wanted to listen to.
There was the sense that the beginning of Malcolm’s career through the release of Blue Slide Park was a period where the image of “Mac Miller” was born.
“When he did Watching Movies, they said ‘If you keep making songs like this you’re gonna be back in a sprinter van. You’re not gonna have a tour bus anymore because you’re not gonna make it.”
Josh Berg, Mac Miller’s engineer during this period, looking back in a later interview
Everyone was now witnessing Malcolm McCormick redefining who Mac Miller wanted to be — who the artist actually was.
Malcolm couldn’t be ripped from his home studio — and it was hard for anyone to argue with the results.
But in the end, he also knew he needed to find his way out. He didn’t renew his lease after the year and decided it was time to move on.
One last song was made in The Sanctuary before Mac Miller waved goodbye to his artistic refuge of a year; it was “The Grand Finale” for Faces and was meant to feel like the last song ever recorded by Miller and his posse. Even though Malcolm was just getting started.
“You speak with your hands and how you touch the keys. ‘The Grand Finale’ was this idea of like—this is it.
Mac Miller speaking about The Sanctuary in an interview shortly after moving
I kept on trying to say goodbye to the studio. In my mind, it is very iconic and legendary; that room, the Red Room. If all goes according to plan, and we’re legends at the end of this, that room is a huge thing.”
Faces is still one of the most experimental and beloved mixtapes released in rap music, and not just because it was constructed and created in freeform and loose conditions.
Faces was somehow more than the sum of all the parts of all the other free mixtapes Mac Miller released for free.
Mac Miller explores existential themes and what it means to keep moving — to keep swimming — through the trials and tribulations of not just being an artist but grappling with what it means to be a human being.
“Ave Maria” and many of the songs featured on Faces and Watching Movies with the Sound Off would continue the exploration of life and the passage of time, and what it all even means, that was initially unbottled on K.I.D.S. just two years earlier.
Malcolm would continue his journey of swimming through it all, while growing in the lyrical themes and musical content of his songs.
But first it was time to sign with a major label — Warner Records — and finish professionally parting ways with Rostrum Records.
Mac Miller had another album in mind, and it was time to try to wake up, set the drugs down as much as possible, and have a new and good morning.
On the offensive with the release of Watching Movies with the Sound Off and Faces, Mac Miller was in interviews and on tour, showing people who he really was while he continued to try to answer that same question himself.
“Am I speaking to you as Malcolm McCormick right now? Or am I speaking to you as Mac Miller? Who knows? I don’t even know anymore.”
Mac Miller in an interview promoting ‘Watching Movies with the Sound Off’
In October 2014, Mac Miller signed a ten million dollar contract with Warner Bros.
He ultimately took the offer because the company felt the most independent in their thinking and approach to music.
As Malcolm described it in an interview with Larry King, “Everyone at [Warner Records offices] wears T-shirts. I haven’t seen many suits.”
Mac Miller also remarked on how he believed he hadn’t changed too much as an artist despite signing with a major label, saying, “I’d like to think I kept some of my independence… I just think it was time.”
It was also bigger than Malcolm.
He hadn’t just signed the deal with his name — it was his independent label he was setting up, REMember Records, that was being signed on the dotted line as well.
Mac Miller hoped the investment would help him put more artists that were independent and thinking differently on the map.
Malcolm was using the money, space, and investment to get more on his feet and more established independently as a person, while also distancing himself from drugs.
Producer Rick Rubin invited Mac Miller to crash on his couch over the summer of 2014 too, which served as a sort of realignment and rehab for Malcolm.
GO:OD AM (pronounced GOOD AM) was Mac Miller’s first release on a major label, and things were positive, on the upswing, and looking up.
Mac Miller and the dreams of Malcolm McCormick were taking flight just like all the birds that could be heard singing on Watching Movies with the Sound Off. It was all happening — like a new and very good morning.
GO:OD AM was popping off, with lead single “100 Grandkids” pulling more people into the magnetic and positive energy of Mac Miller.
“I’m just being a human being again. I’m finally having fun again. Fun—there’s nothing wrong with that. This is my life, I enjoy it, and it’s okay that I enjoy it. It’s okay that I’m young and rich. Let’s have fun. You’ve got to look in the mirror and tel yourself to stop being a little bitch: ‘Okay, dude, you’re 23 and this is your fucking life. Go out there and do it, stop hiding,’ because that was me before.”
Mac Miller in a 2014 interview
Mac Miller was open about his struggles with drugs and alcohol in interviews during the promotional interviews for GO:OD AM.
It was clear to anyone watching that Mac Miller was recovering and doing well and that he had a desire to try to help others with his lived experiences.
He recognized his ability to do that as an artist, and he was genuine about it.
This included him agreeing to do a documentary with the publication The FADER, called Stopped Making Excuses, where Mac Miller was open and honest about his life and struggles.
“If you look at the documentary, it’s pretty raw and candid … I think that was a comfort zone for him … it’s the gift and the curse of being an artist and having those creative genes, which we all known come with some suffering involved.”
Andy Cohen, Fader, speaking about ‘Stopped Making Excuses’ and Mac Miller
GO:OD AM debuted at number four on the Billboard 200, and the reviews were largely positive, including Pitchfork, the publication that had previously given Miller a “1 out of 10” for Blue Slide Park.
His friendship with Ariana Grande, Odd Future, Rick Rubin, and others in the music industry proved to be pivotal during this time.
Malcolm’s drug use did start to pick back up again, and in a big way, as production of The Divine Feminine was in its full, sonic creation.
It was difficult for many of Malcolm’s friends and collaborators to feel like it was a problem or like they had a right to meaningfully intervene; the drug usage was much like when Malcolm was making Faces and Watching Movies with the Sound Off.
The drugs were undeniably present, and there was definitely risk involved, but for Malcolm he was simply an artist trying to work.
For Malcolm’s friends, it felt like a delicate topic to approach, especially if they were coming into his studio sessions to make music with him.
“I let him do his thing. It was just studio shit. You know, cats just do their shit. They just have to have their vices and the things they do and when you’re creating—I’m never one to jump in the way when someone’s creating and doing that shit because that’s what they need to do to create. If it woulda seemed like he was going overboard, and it was too much, and I got scared or something, then I’d say, ‘Hey, bro, I think you’ve had enough.’ But it didn’t get there, he was just high.”
Robert Glasper, jazz pianist and music producer
At this point, Mac Miller and Ariana Grande were romantically involved and dating, which gave tabloid space and paparazzi chase to them both.
Many suspected the upcoming album was all about Ariana Grande, but they both denied it.
Miller continued to maintain the album had been in the making for longer than he and Grande were together, reminding everyone in interviews that The Divine Feminine wasn’t about Ariana or women in general.
“I think next I really want to just deal with making more songs about love. That’s something I really want to dive into, is just really getting into the ins and outs and the complexities of that emotion. So that’s my plan currently. I’m just kind of exploring that a little more.”
Mac Miller in a 2015 interview
”It’s songs about my perspective on love. There are people in my life that have affected my perspective on what love is. Everyone learns from all experiences in life. These are all things that are real to me in my life. But people saying that the whole album is about her is wild to me because it would be, literally, impossible. Timetable-wise, how quickly do you think I can make an album?”
Mac Miller in a 2016 interview with 105.1 FM The Breakfast Club
This marked another period in Malcolm’s life where artists around him who he respected and ran with were recognizing him for what he was doing.
After Kendrick Lamar and Mac Miller finished working in the studio on the final track on ‘The Divine Feminine,’ Kendrick told Miller, “This is what you’re supposed to be doing” as the two were leaving the studio.
This wasn’t the first time Kendrick and Malcolm had worked together, but it was still a heavy and very real moment.
Mac Miller was sober for almost an entire year, through all of the supporting tour for The Divine Feminine.
He didn’t even drink, which was something he’d been doing regularly since before he’d even been releasing music.
There were two tour buses for that tour. One for people partying, the other for people staying sober. This was from Mac Miller’s tour manager trying to help Malcolm stay on track.
Malcolm rented a new house out in Los Angeles after the tour was finished. He noted in a September 2016 interview that his new house had “no extra space… for extra shit.”
“As my house comes together, walking through it, there’s no extra space, there’s no extra rooms that are there for zero reason. Like, everything has a purpose.”
This was a unique time for Mac Miller. He was sober and living in LA, in a house focused on purpose and space, while doing the same inside of his own life.
Meanwhile, Jerm was going through some rough stuff, so Malcolm thought it would be cool to live together and kick it for a while.
“He wasn’t very motivated to do much. We weren’t realy working a whole lot. I was used to him recording 24/7, so that’s what I mentally prepared for. But I felt like he was kind of depressed. That was partially why he wasn’t super motivated; he didn’t have that thing to motivate him. He definitely seemed depressed. I think with the drug thing, he felt that aided him in a way. He almost seemed—I’m not gonna say lost, because I don’t know—but it’s like he just didn’t have that same spark or whatever, right then”
Then one day Mac Miller asked Big Jerm to record him while he sang, “I just need a way out of my head. I was drowning, but now I’m swimming” over pulsating and rippling strings and electronic piano sounds.
He was moving still, but he was also stuck on those existential and painful themes explored on “Ave Maria” on Faces.
That “just keep swimming” part of his spirit was alive, tired, and ready to create more art wrapped around this part of his life — but Mac Miller was also swirling in his own personal version of Dante’s Inferno, and it was about to get worse.
Big Jerm left soon, and then shortly after, Ariana Grande and Mac Miller broke up as well.
Some unfairly blamed Ariana for not holding Mac Miller together, but it’s not any single person’s responsibility to be the reason someone’s holding it together—no matter how much you love them and want to.
“Hi! This is one of my best friends in the whole world and favorite people on the planet Malcolm McCormick. I respect and adore him endlessly and am grateful to have him in my life in any form, at all times regardless of how our relationship changes or what the universe holds for each of us. Unconditional love is not selfish. It is wanting the best for that person even if at the moment, it’s not you.”
Ariana Grande announcing her breakup with Mac Miller in an Instagram story
Mac Miller was trying not to do drugs around this time, and he was trying to do everything possible to heal, but it was also a lot to deal with.
He had ultimately quit using drugs and alcohol for Ariana Grande and those around him, so when it was just him and music alone again… the drugs returned with full force.
Drugs and music were Malcolm’s first and most comfortable relationships, along with isolation and trying to pursue something beyond himself.
“It all just keeps spinning. Gotta keep swimming.”
It was April 2018. Mac Miller had recently crashed his car while under the influence of alcohol with friends in the car.
He was arrested at his house after fleeing the scene. He posted bail and had a pending court date and continued balancing recovery with hiding inside drugs and music.
On one hand, the artist was pursuing purpose and healing, doing all he could to find his way out of the turmoil he was inside of. On the other hand, Mac Miller couldn’t imagine spinning and swimming without drugs helping him through it. Not at the time, anyway.
Soon, Mac Miller was working in the studio with Jon Brion on what would become Swimming and Circles.
Mac Miller was planning a trilogy of albums that were thematically connected and continued the themes of The Divine Feminine. Malcolm wanted to explore swimming forward through ourselves and life as we grow and heal.
There was a beautiful end in sight, and Mac Miller was truly swimming through everything he was dealing with while creating music that featured his biggest growth in his career, as a person, artist, and lyricist.
“I’m at this point where it’s just free-form, Jackson Pollock throwing shit against the wall. And that’s just exciting to me, to not have any type of structure …”
Mac Miller in 2018 talking about his current creative process
On August 1, 2018, Mac Miller was at the offices of NPR, preparing to perform his first and only “Tiny Desk Concert.”
These performances were often stripped down, pulled back, and more intimate than an artist’s average performance, so it was a perfect place for Mac Miller to showcase his music and personal growth while promoting the release of Swimming.
It was an important performance for Mac Miller, and every moment reflected it — even his nervousness and “banter, banter, banter” comments he playfully exchanged with the other performers.
“He told me that he was a little nervous. This was the first time they would perform these songs live. He was the real deal.”
“I was yea high and muddy
Looking for what was looking for me”
“Don’t need to lie no more
Nowadays all I do is shine”
Prince died when Mac Miller was in the middle of making The Divine Feminine, and he stopped and cried for forty-five minutes, pained with such an incalculable loss of such a passionate artist.
One of the parts that hurt Mac Miller the most in the wake of Prince’s death was how quickly and eagerly the news, and most people, seemed to forget the music that was made in favor of tabloids and drug stories.
“I cried for forty-five minutes non-stop. I didn’t realize how affected I would be. It was hard to see. People love a fucking headline and it was hard for me to sit there and see someone who was obviously very private be turned inside out after his death. All this shit they were saying, I was just like, ‘give it a second before you come with the drug stories.”
Mac Miller in the wake of Prince’s death
Malcolm McCormick would still be physically alive today if it wasn’t for fentanyl taking his life. He was also right when he was talking about The Red Room, and The Sanctuary, back in 2013. He just didn’t know at the time he was also talking about his life.
“You speak with your hands and how you touch the keys.
Mac Miller eulogizing The Sanctuary when he moved in 2013
I kept on trying to say goodbye to the studio.
If all goes according to plan … we’re legends at the end of this.”
Malcolm McCormick’s drive, dedication, and passion are why he was able to grow so much as a person and an artist, especially in such a short time. But it was also his eye for the clouds, outer space, and wherever art comes from — inside our souls — that allowed him to grow exponentially faster as an artist, which always seemed to help him evolve and catch up as a person.
Circles was released posthumously in January 2020, and Mac Miller’s songs of pushing through to the good news he knew lives inside every single one of us inspired and helped so many people get through hard times.
Balloonerism was released in 2025, and while the album was essentially an unreleased mixtape containing a slew of songs from earlier in his career, there was still a strong presence of themes around the passage of time, what it means to hold on, and how beautiful life can be if you just try to hold on.
Earl Sweatshirt, artist and close friend and collaborator of Mac Miller, eulogized Malcolm and his music better than anyone could.
“You know, people pass, and they get in your head, if you spent enough time with them. I think the night he passed, maybe it was the next day, I don’t know. I was listening to all the joints that me and him did.
I don’t even remember the timeline.
You know in the old pirate movies, how they gotta throw all this shit off the ship so it goes faster?
Malcolm was one of those niggass like that, bro. He was moving real fast. A lot of the shit that we hold on to that slows us down, that makes us care about different shit and makes us second-guess? It can make a man complacent.”
Malcolm was always destined to become an artist that continued swimming through the circles of art, time, and space. I think he always knew that and held onto it. Until he was on the other side.
Mac Miller’s legacy will always be of a generous rapper and artist who did everything he could to paint the world he knew was possible, and share as much of it as possible, with everyone around him.
At 1:00 a.m. on September 8th, 2018, Mac Miller posted on Twitter about the last song on Swimming titled “So It Goes” and posted a video to his Instagram of the song playing on his turntable.
“So It Goes” was inspired in part by Kurt Vonnegut’s novel Slaughterhouse-Five, the phrase being something said every time someone in the story dies. But the song was also about Malcolm’s growth and experiences, the passage of time, and how he truly believed that everything would be okay… as long as we all just keep SWIMMING.
My favorite Mac Miller tracks are:
- Hurt Feelings (Spotify | YouTube)
- So It Goes (Spotify | YouTube)
- 2009 (Spotify | YouTube)
- Good News (Spotify | YouTube)
- Surf (Spotify | YouTube)
- Funny Papers (Spotify | YouTube)
- Cinderella (feat. Ty Dolla $ign) (Spotify | YouTube)
- I’m Not Real (feat. Earl Sweatshirt) (Spotify | YouTube)
- Uber (feat. Mike Jones) (Spotify | YouTube)
- Keep Floatin’ (feat. Wiz Khalifa) (Spotify | YouTube)
- The Question (feat. Lil Wayne) (Spotify | YouTube)
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